vivek sekar

Everything that once made me happy just bores me, leaves me cold.

- The Zahir, Paulo Coehlo

in a foreign place where everything is organized, routine and predictable. surprises are limited and randomness kept to the bare minimum.

cricket, bollywood, tollywood help.

laughing out at slapstick comedies. unconnected, random, filthy and cheap jokes.
seeing life getting changed in a moments notice in movies. shaving blades splitting bullets into 2 and thereby helping in taking out 2 of villain’s countless sidekicks.
edge of the seat finishes in matches, where the pendulum swings just as the dice rolls on, to play its own game.

Virtue and life needs some cheaper thrills.

on the day, the clouds decided not to let go of the water drops but instead descended down to the ground. water in pursuit of its freedom from the clouds would slowly come off the clouds, not as drops but water took the shapes of mist and fine droplets, sashaying off from the clouds and gliding down to ground. A day when laws of physics and nature seemed to be bending. a day earlier it was bright, sunny and warm unlike any other day in Helsinki this summer.

the Helsinki city marathon, 42 kilometers around the city of Helsinki with the finish line inside the Olympic stadium.I had decided to take part, registered and started my preparations only 2 weeks before the start date of the marathon. This sudden decision making was thanks to my friend Sriram’s participation in the New York half marathon - Thanks Sriram - but unlike him i was not doing it for a cause or may be i was doing it for my own cause. the first few days i was more than apprehensive about having to pay and join the marathon, i was hoping that may be they will allow free participation. that was not the case and i nearly decided to not take part, then Arun was wondering why i was backing out and after some talking we both got registered.

there started everything. i had never covered huge distances with a time goal. i was not sure if i would be able to make it to the 21km line, as that was the only aim first up.  while my preparations started 2 weeks before, marathoners start practice 4 months in advance and 2 weeks before a marathon they cool off to get ready for the marathon - our case was obviously the opposite.

BANG, the marathon started and the crowd in front of me began their steady jog and i for my part started with s brisk walking pace. within the first 100 meters i had a doubt that i should also start to jog rather than walk, but then the better sense prevailed for the next 1 km. close to the 2 km mark, i started to jog.just as some random music was playing out from the mp3 player, i was moving forward totally unware of the effort being put in and more bothered by the people around me. all i know i am moving ahead, without letting some runners back hold my interest for too long ;).

slowly i slip into a state were all my concentration is on everything around me with least amount of thought going into the my physical state or position with respect to the crowd. i am in auto-pilot and my legs did not need the attention i had given previous when training, more like its become my second nature.

as the distance i have covered increases, any thoughts in my mind vanish creating a empty vacuum. filling me with a feeling of being liberated, but from what i have no idea. i had imagined that during the marathon, i would be concentrating on what is happening to me, but it was the opposite. i was enjoying each and every moment of it, paying more and more attention to every thing around me.

each of the fine droplets slowly graced my face passing on that tingling feel along with the fresh chill, that you might expect from a freshly picked fruit after having shaken off the dew droplets on it. for whatever i felt, i still was quite empty headed and clueless as to what was going on. i was just obeying my previous decision to take part in the marathon and contrary to my expectation i was not uncomfortable as i thought i would have.

i crossed the 21km without much of a fuss being caused by myself. and then slowed down my pace, from then on the distance i was covering was bonus. with every kilometer i passed, my shoulder was caught up and i had a sprain, by 30km i felt like my feet had bulged up and they were trying to the bust up the shoe, pushing hard from within. the jogging became more intermittent and brisk walking more regular, i started to feel the distance. with close to 5 km remaining, me and arun decided to take it slow and finish the marathon in our pace rather than try and push against time.

inside the olympic stadium, in presence of many we crossed the line. it was done. a 42km marathon.

pushing forward to understand myself physically, i feel need to keep pushing to find the point or may be the breaking point. How do i know my limits ? yes fear does create imaginary limits, but what about the physical limits? Hopefully more challenges will lead to more understanding. may be the realm might change from the physical to mental. but that for what lies ahead.

like a moment taken from the Forrest gump movie, why did i decide to take part in the marathon ? - for no particular reason, i just felt like i had to take up some challenge and the marathon seemed to me that it was the challenge i was looking out for.

helped by small feet’s to wander around in search of grains of food, each small step put forth to get to it’s food. huge gigantic beings move across, sometimes directly towards and sometimes keeping their own distance while going on with the mundane life.

in a corner by the bench, jackpot!! oddly, a being had dropped off grains. one pick at a time, but still the grains do not seem to reduce.

with the wind blowing in, the sounds slowly start to transform from mere noises to repeated noise or rhythm. as the wind blow by, the time comes, the thing that is closed and nuzzled up together is unraveled and unfolded the length and breath become visible. in a swift and gentle movement the wings open up and gets hold of the wind in unison with the rhythm of the wind, the feathers move each time gradually catching hold of more wind and taking itself higher into the upper reaches.

something similar in imagination, seated and glanced upon by a being. a gentle smile and a look which passes on the warmth. the being gentle and kind, more than peaceful with all the things around. as time passes, the comfortable feeling sinks in, there is no harm meant from the being and how ever alien and different, the serenity and tranquility in the being’s presence just keeps increasing.

the world around me evaporates, slowly finding its way to me through each and every pore, without any resistance from me they fill me in. gravity becomes a forgotten entity just as weight does not seem to apply. approached with the hands stretched out, i accept them. all the vapors seem to be in control of this being, as flight becomes a reality. like the pied piper, the music enters and plays along.

in this new world rhythms, sounds, movements, beats each touch and tingle each of the senses. guided, i float and fly across the new world each time slowly building up as i move along as i reach crescendo and each time knocking each of the senses out, only to be reassured by the soothing feel of comfort. just before taking me back to the world, i am slowly eased into a state where meditation, transcendence and mescaline all seem to be the same and then i am back.

odd, abstract and confusing which ever way it be, the music was surreal and ethereal just as reviewed by most and just as i have listened to their songs countless number of times. my first ever band concert, i enjoyed and was just great.

fresh from a bath, with some amount of sleep still lingering around and i am taking my time getting used to the outside world after a long sleep. i am seated on a tram headed towards the city center. to one side is a little child in her pram, looking expectantly at the people around her, and on the other side another slightly grown child fussing about with his toys in hand and in between tuning into the conversation mom and dad are having.

a little unsettled and obliviously playing with a car in his hand while chewing off pieces from it, only for dad to notice and clean his mouth. drowned in a world of his own.

it is quite the opposite on the other side, she was looking around and trying to get some attention from the people standing near by who were busy in their conversation. making faces, smiles, shouts and screeches and occasionally she would get the odd glance but then the conversation continued. mom was also busy on the phone and no one was paying any attention to her. mischievously hiding half behind the pram’s sides, she glances towards the side i am seated. having been quite amused with her till now, i smile back as i close my eyes.

happyness …

a glance, a smile and a some little attention later the look on her face of being noticed. i was holding on to my smile i had got going and i was also happy.

after a good game of hide and seek for some 3 minutes, we reach our destination. mom gets the pram ready to board down, just as she continues the hide and seek game and i play along.

at the other door, an old lady (mid 70’s) says something in Finnish. after “i am sorry” and a puzzled looked,

“she likes you, a lot

did you see her wink and wave at you ?

she is smiling and likes you.”

a photo just for the little child in the tram.

my friend Sriram finished the New York City half marathon and had sent a mail out about it. out of no where, i found inspiration to do the same even though his previous chat conversation about this plan never got me to think of taking up the half marathon.

the last 2 days, i have been walking/jogging close to 1 hour in the morning and evening as a start towards preparing for the Helsinki city marathon.

the search for ‘half marathon Helsinki’ in google after Sriram’s mail returned links about the Helsinki city marathon to be held on 16th august, 2008. in the site i noticed the registration fee was 75 euro’s - little on the higher side for a person trying the marathon just out of impulse and intuition - so i decided to mail them about my interest to be part of it without having to register, the mail was returned back due to some server problems in the receiving side.

a few enquiry’s later, it was confirmed that non registered participants cannot run the marathon.

what a bummer! i feel a little deflated.

the walking/jogging has been great, since i am able to get some physical exercise and the early morning and evening blood flow going. i will not be stopping this, the now so called preparation, just because i am not planning to participate (never know, may be i might pay up just to give it a try - tomorrow is the last day for registration) in the Helsinki city marathon.

its been nice, inspired, excited and feeling good - feeling bad - feeling deflated and yet feeling good. a waveform of sort i guess.