i have moved out from finland and moved in to the bay area.
at the same time changed companies from Nokia to Palm/HP. the place is new, the job is new, but then the thoughts are pretty much the same.
reflecting as of today … the past, i miss those days where i went off in a different tangent in the blog.
when the mind would roam about and i would culminate those thoughts
Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean
there’s one life to live and the world to explore. and we still have not explored the world around us to know ourselve’s. so we plan to live the life to know and learn.
its in those moments that change our life, that we are shown how to live life!
when we do not get out of my comfort zone and learn, there is very little we learn. the more we move away, the more we are prone to make choices/decisions that will lead us to newer direction.
we have very little to lose, if we think & act like we have very little lose – we have a lot more to lose, if we chose to think & act so.
then why would we have to be closed and apprehensive to change, when change was all that we wanted ?
embrace the change and take it as a pointer to move ahead
it looks complicated now, its to signify nothing. its as it is supposed to be
a simple word ‘om’ with a lotus, as the time puts it through its paces. and thats where the fire comes in
some parts change with time, while some parts continue to remain as they are
as i move from home to home, the warmth does not change
… she is always waiting for me to return .. all the while knowing how much i would have missed her ..
.. the one person who used to replace my mother for the moments i spent with her and i never felt out of place … the same moments even my mother knew she was next to her and not on par with her..
as summer came in and the break from school started .. i would rush back home just to meet with her… each moment i spent with her is a distant dream that i will never be able to let go. its not often that one is showered with love and affection that you are not able to let go… being there next to her, lying on her lap and slowly being put to sleep on a hot summer’s day. the nearby grounding mill churning endlessly … as the electricity going out intermittently being the only time when the silence of home would cajole me into sleep.
spending most of my birthdays around her and having her as my angel looking out for me, i am not able to pay enough respect to all that she has been to me and every time all she wanted was to have me next to her. as we would endlessly talk and do things together as she egged me on to try new things. she would keep pushing the boundaries of creativity just a little further away as i spent all those time coming up with ideas to please her with my supposed attempts to make art. patiently she would spend the evening getting me cleaned up and all dressed up
… i follow to date on certain days, just in anticipation of the days that are by gone, just so that i can get that feeling of being there back.. to be in her presence and live through every moment of it.
i stand where i am, as a result of the all the effort she put in… i stare out into the wide open spaces in search of the non existent and try to fill the gap that she left by.. i get reminded of the time, being in a distant land as she bid adieu to me and the people around her.. and all i did was try to be there and hopelessly lose control of the world around me .. a moment in life when the carpet was drawn from under me and i have been left all alone in a world where everything i see is a completely new … missing the warmth, the compassion, the feeling of togetherness … even though everything that i am now is still a product of all that was giving to me and the time dedicated on me .. her absence just about always masks those moments i spent in her presence … each passing moment, i find my place in this world and that is the moment i realise how my innocence and my ignorance have made me not appreciate the time i spent being with her.
each moment without her, reiterating the obvious.. one misses the person closest to us only when we are away or removed from their presence … and all this retrospective about the moments passed only results in reassuring the importance of the time spent under her guidance and now spent under her watchful eyes.
this pretty much ends up bringing to front the similarly greater magnitude of time that my mother has been a factor in my life, as she has handled me every step of the way and at the same time gone through life under the presence of her and gone through much more having spent a longer time with her than me, and yet still maintaining a composure that other than my mother i have seen this only on her.
this is to women who have, will play the roles on my journey and whom at no point will i let go of….
each night for months in length,
i would go up to the terrace and wait to see my north star which in its distant realm still maintained its closeness to me, the connection just ethereal in all ways ………..
one fine day the most awaited of star made its presence felt … and the wait was bitter sweet, with predictions being proved wrong about its appearance and presence, and yet there it was … in time to quench the desires….
on that moment the rhythm of my soul synchronised with the rhythm of the universe………
being in sync was not bought on by the presence of the star, but the aroma that had been surrounding me, triggered it all … as i linger along with the moment, the ethereal gets reminded once again …. 
as the past meets the present and future, i am reminded about having scribbled about how the desire of the heart collide with the need of the mind, and how the confluence of these entities for a single thing in the world happen on certain occasions, when the world around us conspires to make that entity attainable.
“Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him,” his heart said. “We, people’s hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them—the path to their destinies, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out indeed, to be threatening place.
“So, we, their hearts, speak more and more softly. We never stop speaking out, but we begin to hope that our words won’t be heard: we don’t want people to suffer because they don’t follow their hearts.” – The Alchemist
the energies from around got together to get me to reflect, and reflect i did 33000 feet in the air in the solitude of being surrounded by the world itself.
how some times the desire and need are one and the same, and its not hidden in far of places but just within reaching distance when you decide to let go and embrace ..
i embraced and found the source of energy that i guess i was in search for a certain time and from the point onwards, life will be taken forward by that energy forged from energies.
no more is it a sole journey’s, but soul’s journey.
happy new year and wishing a great time in the years to come – from Reykjavik, Iceland.
now that’s out of the way.
we (myself, you.. everyone i guess) tend to associate some absolute markers as a stock holding point and then on to turn a new leaf.
and the new year is just the same, its a 12 month, 52/51 week/ 28/29/20/31 day time system. except for the hours and smaller details i am yet to get a concrete understanding of how an another system will not work in similar manner, so that’s where my scepticism comes from.
for me its sounds more like the valentines day explanation in the film “eternal sunshine in a spotless mind”, just another day to associate with, celebrate, spend and so on… but then why not do it over the whole year and spread across that we tend to see the positives of life every day and even though we will have our days on the other side, we still tend to balance it out as the days progress.. rather than hope for a – equally successful – better than – no repeat mistakes – than the last year that was to be.
why should we tend to stick to the year marker to turn a new leaf and move on, i am sure we move on from events quickly, but we still give the change in year a big/great significance that it tends to cumulate/culminate all the efforts into 1 big day in which the change for people all over the world (those who follow this system) happens.
this Christmas i have the same accomplices from the last time with the exception of Karthick not being here.
and we are headed towards Iceland, my 3rd trip in 4 years, and 2 trip during winter.
the winter wonderland, somehow keeps my interests high and i am not able to take this location out of my mind.
we have not planned anything big as far as routes go, its supposed to be one of my first vacation where i plan to spend most of the time relaxing and chilling out. with the daily road trips, places to see and photograph on the way and if lucky may be the occasional dancing night lights in the skies – northern lights.
as usual the list of people interested was high, but then when the flight tickets where being booked the numbers reduced and its just us. also Karthick gave some faint hope of being able to be here, but then he being himself, he has been fluctuating with his own decisions i guess
Two years he walks the earth.
No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes.Ultimate freedom.
An extremist. An aesthetic voyager, whose home is the road.
So now, after two rambling years
comes the final and greatest adventure.The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual revolution.
No longer to be poisoned by civilization, he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.